Love is being powerless.
So far in my life I feel like I have experienced love a couple times. I don’t have much experience in the category so I can only speak what I know and what I’ve felt. I believe that everyone’s experience with love is different, and though I truly believe in love…I still cannot wrap my head around the concept of being in love. However, I have come to my own conclusion that for myself, (because its different for everyone) being in love is gradually becoming weaker and weaker with every hurdle within the relationship.
Ok, I know you’re thinking, why do you have to consider yourself weak for loving someone. There are some who say to truly love another human whole-heartedly takes strength. I believe that as well, but you only look at it that way after you’ve exercised this love you have for a while. I will break it down a bit.
(Now keep in mind my “you” references are really meant as referring to myself from the outside looking in.)
When you are the type of person who is naturally strong, emotionally withheld, and protective of your soul, it’s a little difficult to let people get to you. And when I say a little difficult I mean extremely difficult, so that was a lie. Now for many, there are different reasons why you are the way you are but hey…you are that way now and only you have the ability to allow yourself or even someone else to change that.
So, when you meet that person whom you’ve unexpectedly grew to have feelings for it’s a struggle within yourself to acknowledge that you have these feelings, let alone express them aloud to the person you have them for. Why? Vulnerability. In all honestly, that is my worst fear when dealing with love interests. I really don’t like the feeling whatsoever, and it is because of overanalyzing. You think to yourself, if I express myself, will it be reciprocated? If its not, will I be hurt? Of course I will be hurt. Will I recover? I don’t know. I hate not knowing. Maybe I shouldn’t even say anything. Maybe they will say something first? Well he’s a guy so he’s going to expect me to say something first, right? What if he doesn’t like me like I like him? Man…f**k it.
You get my drift yet???
In this process you are making things worst with worries, and when you step back and think about it in retrospect…you are giving your power away through those worries you have. That is called energy, and worrying about all those what if’s draws a lot of it out of you.
The plot thickens, because when you do muster up the courage to say how you feel and it is reciprocated in some form or fashion, you get weaker. There is a sense of knowing. Knowing that person cares for you and will not intentionally try to hurt you. So in return, you open up more…and more. You give them more of your energy because you trust them to have it and nurture it. So they’ve become powerful, leaving you powerless. This isn’t a bad thing at the moment; you are basking in what you have developed with this person. You are head over heels, drowning, suffocating in a relationship that you undoubtedly adore. All you can see is a field full of flowers and clouds shaped as hearts. So you’re really surprised when you see one dark cloud, shocked when you suddenly see lightening, frightened when you hear the roar of thunder. You’re faced with a bad situation within your relationship…and you realize you’re at a fork in the road. A road in which you can chose to work through the bad situation or in which you can walk away from it. The thing both of these roads have in common is that they both require that energy that you so happily gave away…
So what are you going to do?